The Fishbowl Goodbye
You held your tear-stained tissue
In a tight fist
As if it were your heart you had
Squeezed out the pain from
We’ve said goodbye millions of times in my lifetime
But never like this.
Leaving your warmth behind
At the Security Check
With all the clocks’ faces from around the world watching,
The umbrella in my dry palm
Awaiting the imminent torrent
My dad’s smile a dike of pain
I could tell his dimples were faltering.
My eyes, levees crushing under pressure
Yet only a tear like tree sap
Deliberating, growing, remained indecisive
Unreleased in suspension.
We were separated by a wall of bulletproof glass.
I swam with the other fishes
Of children, mothers, fathers
Drowning in the shared memories
before they are past.
You and Dad walk closer up to the glass
Tap it to get my attention.
You place your whole hand on the glass
I, longing to touch you like moments ago
Reciprocate
‘Mija,’ you supplicate,
“Por favor cuídate mucho.
Que Dios siempre te cuide, y espero vernos pronto.
Te amo. Eres un pedazo de mi alma.”*
You prayed these words to me as you forgave me
For being a fish out of water,
You knew deep in your heart
That I was no longer and that I now swim
In a new ocean of my goals.
Despite all the times
You recaught me in your net of parental love
I found a way to butterfly stroke
Out of your world,
Out of your home,
Out of your control.
Till then, you did not realize
What harm you were doing to me.
I don’t want you to forgive me
But accept who I am today,
And what I will accomplish in the future,
That is the best gift you can give me,
Consider this my prayer for you.
You and Dad wave and blow kisses
Goodbye from the escalator
Soon to return to your vessel
Leaving me in my open sea
Wishing, for a moment
My fins transformed to wings.
“My daughter”, you supplicate,
“Please, take care of yourself”
May God always take care of you, and I hope we see each other soon
I love you. You are a piece of my soul.”*
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